Just wanna cry, i don’t know how to spark excitement in your eyes. If not for me or us or home i dunno. I’ll try. Fuck I’ve been trained up by society. Still always tryna unprogram that shit inside me. Learn to say, full, what i do or don’t need. Find a way to avoid the aquarium of my dreams. Sleep, sleep on my leg. for a moment, all is safe in that mutagenic space. Charged with hope and holes and hate. Who am I? Who have i ever been? A shaken fighter in a ring with no clear rim.
I’ve always hated interacting with the fans of things that i love. You don’t love it the right way. Your thoughts upon it tarnish it. I don’t want to hear what it means to you. No. It twists my guts up. I’ve always sucked at interacting. At trying to relate, on an even keel, it lights my guts up. I can perform. I can perform 90 minute presentations where i spark and entertain. i can perform 5 minute conversations where i hit all the right social cues but gain nothing. Yeah. It is what it is. I am