So things have been more or less okay, I think. *knocks on wood* *literally does it* My wish bracelet finally fell off. Jeeze, I was wearing that thing forever. My snake is still really awesome. I held her for a really long time last night, and then she chilled in my bra for like a half hour. She got comfortable and just curled up there, enjoying my body warmth and whatnot. She might have been asleep it’s hard to tell with no eyelids. It was extremely cute, in a ~snake boob~ sort of way. *posts a picture whether you guys want to see my snake and boobs or not*
She would have stayed there longer, but I needed to feed her, so I pulled her out. 10/10 snake, highly recommend. It’s ridiculous how attached I am to this cold blooded reptile. Jeeze. I’m once again without any work. I really need to either find more clients, or just find some other way of making money that’s more stable, because I’m getting pretty tired of this feast and famine, monetary uncertainty bullshit. I got a $20 bonus for my last round of work for “finishing work on time”. Like really? I thought finishing on time was like… the bare minimum for freelance work, but thanks, and I accept your $20.
I got an *actual* blister on my finger from my bass guitar the other day. That’s what I fucking get for not playing for so long. Still, it was really gross and ouchie and mostly gross, but it’s gone now, and I should play more. I’m really hungry, but dinner isn’t going to be done for like two or three more hours, so I’m just going to have to deal with it ay? Just chill and tremble slightly because I drank too much coffee with too much nothing else in my stomach. Cool.
Oh my gosh, my snake finally shed! I was getting kinda worried, but she totally shed perfectly all in one piece. And I got another batch of freelance work, due early on Friday morning. I’m 1/4th of the way through it. I wanted to save her shed because it’s like… cool and whatnot, but she took a huge freakin’ dump in it, which is a thing that happens apparently. So never mind that went directly in the garbage. I’m hoping I’ll get one more batch of work this week, Friday through Sunday. That would be ideal and super useful all around and also ideal and also yes please money please I need more work please please please. Dang this snake looks so cool and bright yellow now that she just shed. Seriously, I bet she’s happier too. Hopefully she’ll feel more up to being active now that that’s over. This type of work is really boring but at least it’s easy and it requires very little brain power so I can do other stuff in the background like hang out with people or watch the dumbass star trek movies my boyfriend is currently watching. She’s such a good eater too, I’m really glad. And I held her for the first time in over a week and she was still really sweet and nice and no biting or striking or anything like that. A+ snake. She’s gotten so much bigger it’s nuts. She’s still hella freakin’ cute tho I love her. I have to do some more work before I go to bed, so I’m gunna go do that now. Peace.
I’ve been having such morbid thoughts lately. It’s really not cool. It’s fucking me up kinda. Morbid thoughts and weird dreams, and I’m still wicked new at being a snake owner (less than 2 months) and I’m still learning and doing my best. I know her viv has A+ conditions I’m not worried about that. Just a little worried about handling and reading her body language and when the hell is she guna shed she’s been out of blue for a few days she even ate on Saturday but she hasn’t shed yet as far as I can tell. Haven’t found a shed that is. ~ shrugs for a thousand years ~ idk. I just don’t wanna stress her out by handling her really while she’s in shed, but I hate going so long without handling her since I was working so hard to get her chill and comfortable with my. Idk. Idk Jack. Still haven’t even told my parents I have her lol the longer I wait and the bigger she gets the more awkward that could be. But whatever. I’m an adult I have my own place I can make my own decisions even if they don’t understand them / approve of them. *air guitar solo* *writes this on my phone while hiding under a blanket so the light doesn’t wake up my boyfriend* *gets really hot and claustrophobic and starts freaking out* *heart pounds* soooo yeah guess I’ll be done with this then aay? Sweet dreams, good tomorrows.
I feel rocks, and logs lodged and heavy bricks. Shhhhhh. My snake is shedding for the first time since I’ve had her, and I feel so bad for her. I can tell she feels mad uncomfortable and vulnerable. Keeping the humidity up, and I haven’t tried to feed her cuz she’s all blued out and I don’t think she’ll take it. She just hides and I miss her and I hope it’s over soon.
Man I fucked up my feet really fucking bad the other day. Took a real long fucking walk in high ass shoes. Got mad blisters and raw skin and near fucking heat stroke and fuck everything and fuck me for not being remotely comfortable wearing shorts, so i wear long hot pants and fucking suffer and feel I full well deserve to suffer since I can’t get my fucking body remotely in order enough to feel comfortable in shorts.
Awesome. High five. I feel I feel I feel the fucking eyes. I feel like my body invalidates any of my accomplishments. Man, oh man oh man oh man I really shouldn’t speak with this much fucking honesty. I really shouldn’t write these words explicitly. Just stay and hide and no don’t let them see.
Whatever. Fucking hissssss. Haaaaaaaaaa hiiissssssssss fight me. exhale a certain way that voices your displeasure.
Try to avoid nightmares beyond measure.
Please thoughts please please stop. Let me sleep and eyelids drop
So, you guys. If you haven’t already you seriously need to listen to my freakin’ album. I HAVE A FREAKIN’ ALBUM! THAT I MADE! WITH MY BRAIN! Ever wonder what this strange, mysterious blogger you follow sounds like when she sings? Ever wonder about what sort of lyrics I would write, considering the disjointed and far from artistic tone of this blog? Well beautiful people, wonder no more. My band is called kind smart dangerous, and you can get the full 13 song album for free / pay what you want at kindsmartdangerous.com But! if you aren’t ready to commit to going to a whole ‘nother page to listen, I’m going to make it easy for you and add a couple of our lyric videos. Please listen!! Please share on social media if you like it!! You can tell all your friends you heard about us before we were popular.
Hey, you know who likes westernized modern beauty standards? Fucking everyone apparently. Hey, you know who fits those standards? Not me, that’s who. Not fucking me, that’s who. Not ever me for one single day of my life, that’s who. So that’s fun. Going places feeling like the the proverbial sore thumb.
Do I dare to eat a peach? Something something mermaids something whatever each to each. I read 31 chapters of a book today. Woops. Ardour and languor and man, what a rad reality escape.
I feel like I must be pretty close to my period (which makes sense time wise I guess) because of my fucking emotional instability. I feel all jacked up on anger and energy, fucking annoyed to death by every little thing, just mad mad irritated. everything grating against me every fucking noise and sight. And I just want to sit somewhere dark by myself and listen to loud dumb music on my headphones for like 8 hours … or maybe run around for a while… or what the fuck ever man. Like… I feel a deep sense of restlessness. I dunno. fuck it. fuck everything. fuck me up. I feel repressed and fucking gross for talking about it like shut the fuck up you whiny little bitch no one needs or heeds this shit. Light bulbs used to explode all the time around me, especially when I was pissed, especially especially when I was pissed and I turned them on. It happened today, the hall light bam gone darkness style. I don’t know if I really believe in that kind of shit anymore, but I found it a little bit amusing in an annoying … no light in the hallway sort of way. Making dinner and making strides and not doing my real work at all really at all at all. I did a little but should have done more. I’ve got a ton to do and Saturday is pretty much a ghost day when it comes to work, like ghost money in the bank, it’s there but you know you have to spend it on something else so it might as well not be there at all. Ghost. So that just leaves tomorrow and Sunday mostly, but it’s due on Sunday at 10pm. Whatever tho. I’ll fucking get it done. I need to go now, even though I’m finding writing this wicked calming for some reason. Need to finish dinner and see if I can cool my fucking shit enough to be good company and do some stuff tonight.
I just finished re-reading another one of my soul series, the books my heart guts are made of. I feel slightly bereft, in a way. I finished my curation work, hopefully I didn’t fuck it up… I’ve never done a batch quite like this one. hopefully I get paid for it soon and more is forthcoming. I’m tired I think. Summer makes a terrible person out of me. I need to fucking MOVE. I’m not looking forward to the 4th of July. chances are there will be people there I could live without seeing… ever again… our album has been getting positive feedback which is cool, but we need more people to listen to it. (Check it out at kindsmartdangerous.com if you haven’t yet, or search kind smart dangerous on YouTube to see the lyric videos I made for all the songs.) I’m growing super attached to my snake daughter. She’s 7 months old today, she’s grown a bit in the month I’ve had her. She’s awesome and wild and curious and shy. We’re slowly and imperfectly forming a bond of trust and understanding. Animals are amazing. I should try to sleep or something now.