Playlist # ??: the night is mine

1. Shayfer James: Tiny gods

*chef’s kiss* It’s cool that I exist in a universe where this song also exists. Titular song for this playlist. Summer classes are weird. Decisions are weird. Money is weird. Humanity is fucking weird. And it’s also scary, and unpredictable. And so much of it is just so goddamn stupid. big yikes. But also we make art?? And we love each other?? It’s a lot, honestly.

2. Mother mother – Bottom is a rock

I want to hurry up and finish my stupid typing business so I can go outside and maybe clean our tiny pool, and fill it up and make it all nice again. We’ve been having probably a disproportionate amount of fun with the little $100 10 foot pool that I bought. Like … we can’t freaking go anywhere, and it’s a pretty fun activity, especially at night, in the dark, after a couple glasses of wine. We actually ventured out of the house to the dollar store yesterday and got a bunch of floating things to play with.

3. Chris Garneau – Dirty night clowns

Oh shit, speaking of people making art I totally forgot about the virtual belly dance show that I was going to try and attend as it premiered live.*thumbs up* I can still watch it, it’ll just have to be a little later. But that’s okay. It’s a “summerween” theme, which is cute and on brand for me tbh. (completely forgetting about it is also pretty on brand for me tbh).

4. The brobecks – Le velo pour deux

Well, with that and several other things in mind, I’m going to go ahead and drop this, the fourth and final song of this tiny playlist, and move along to other things. It’s a lovely cloudy evening, but rain would make it better.

Gentian violet

It’s been two months since I was here last. Apparently June 16th was the 7 year anniversary of me having this wordpress, so just for the fuck of it I went through my archive to see what I had written in June for the past 7 years. And basically it just made me feel weird and bad. I was like … lol … have I ever experienced happiness? Like… have I ever? experienced? happiness? Listen okay, I know the deal is that I only really feel compelled to write here as a sort of therapy, a self-soothing coping mechanism. It’s comforting to me in a weird, intangible way. But that means this is basically just a record of all my worst thoughts and experiences. So it’s not that fun to look back through. And it’s not really an accurate representation of my life as a whole. At least … I don’t think it is. I don’t like to think it is. Also there are some drunk and half-drunk poems thrown in, and also wow I really used to write about kinky sex stuff a lot. Like I was real open about talking about that stuff here, in significant detail. Honestly probably at least partially to make myself seem edgy, and different, and interesting. I dunno. I know there was more to it than that, I know it felt … right to write it at the time. And I know I don’t feel compelled to share those elements of myself so publicly anymore. At least not here, not like this.  It feels strange and disembodied to read about some of those exploits. I know they happened but it’s hard for me to imagine them happening to this same body that i’m in right now. Anyway, the world is crazy. That’s for sure. That’s for sure for sure for sure for sure. I’m tired of having dreams where I yell and scream at people to put their fucking masks on, because they’re putting my loved ones in danger by not wearing them. Dreams where we’re in public and I’m desperately trying to herd my loved ones through a crowded area without getting too close to anyone, and people purposely get in our space, and spit at us, and I scream at them but I can’t stop to fucking fight them because I just have to get us out. away. fast. I’m tired. But right now we’re here. And right now I’m out. Peace. Love. Power.