New computer, who this?

Hey there strangers and non strangers. I finally caved and got a new chromebook. My last one could no longer open .docx files … which was extremely inconvenient, and I could no longer update my browser, and it was just overall unfortunate. Also, it got me through my entire masters’ degree, several novels worth of freelance writing, and the first year of my doctoral program. Yeah. it was well past time, and also I got a really good deal on this one and it wasn’t even refurbished or anything. wow. brand new. My fingers are the first to ever type on these keys. That’s cool. That’s nice. That’s special. Like it barely even feels new, because I’m just using it to do the same stuff I was doing before, but it’s all nice and clean and all nice and fresh and twice the RAM of my last one so that’s cool. I can definitely tell, everything is loading a lot faster and that is nice. I should try to go to sleep so I can get up earlier and do more stuff tomorrow, but I’m feeling restless as fuck. I miss walmart being open 24 hours. That was a fun span of time, when I could just go there at any point in the day or night and buy stuff. Now I have to make decisions and do it during the day and things of that nature. I need a couple more things for my wedding outfit and I just fucking hate every tiny aspect of putting clothes on my body for other people to look at. I really just can’t emotionally or mentally or socially deal with it at all. And yet, I have to. I have to do a lot of things. I should run through the ghost stories again. I already started having dreams about that again, which I definitely did not miss, and I didn’t even really realize that they had stopped. But it’s okay. It’s a side effect of another thing that I agreed to do. Both of my arms are really sore and I don’t really know why. I need to do more with them. I need to feed the snakes. I guess I could do that now, with some of my restless energy, but I don’t really want to. I should work on my paper or my other projects. I need to get that shit done, and soon. Real soon. I don’t need to be feeling this stress and pressure about getting it in, if I could actually just get it in. Yeah. This turned a corer, I guess it pretty much always does, which is why I go months without actually publishing an entry here. Whatever. It’s okay. My brain is roiling and writhing, but it’s okay. Or at least hopefully it will be. For now I’m out. This is no longer serving a purpose. I got a new chromebook and it is nice, the end. peace.

Heat from above

Hey, long time no write. I’ve started and abandoned a bunch of entries in the past couple months, but just never saw them through to the end. That’s fine. Sometimes you’re sitting at your desk, looking at someone else’s resignation forms, and you just decide now is the time you’re actually going to publish an entry. Summer is over. My classes started again. I’m still working on getting a teaching gig, but I have at least one month of side-hustle arranged for myself. My classes starting again made me feel a sense of urgency to work on submitting my paper(s) for publication in academic journals. If I wait too long, and someone else writes about this and publishes instead of me, I will be literally so devastated. Soooo yeah. I definitely big time need to get on that. You know, like I said I was going to do over the summer, but then I didn’t do it at all, and instead I straight up chilled for two months. That was definitely a good call that I don’t regret …. definitely. We did have a nice summer though. We had a lot of fun, most of which I’m not going to talk about here. It looks like the conference I’m speaking at is going to be going virtual. This is kinda a bummer because I wanted to actually go somewhere and do something, but at the same time it’s fine, and it’s a lot cheaper, and it feels like less pressure I guess. So it’s okay. Also, for like, safety reasons it’s probably a good call for them to make it virtual. I’m still excited to present though. This is like … a major conference. And my Cool Professor(tm) specifically picked me to be in his panel. Like… why did he pick me? He could have picked anyone. Maybe it’s because he saw me present at that other virtual conference and he thought I did a good job. He told me I did a good job, but like… I already did the thing, what was he gonna say? “Lol that sucked bro.” Naw. I dunno, just seeing the actual conference schedule, and seeing my name printed next to his made it seem Very Real, and it made me think about these things. My presentation better be real fucking good, I totally picked my topic in a hurry when he offered me the spot (I didn’t even have a topic and he offered it to me! Like that’s some faith right there, that I could pull it off) and I haven’t done any further work on it yet, but I will. I still have almost two months. It would be cool if I could get my paper prepped for submitting first, or during I guess. Plus yeah I have classes now and I have to do all that. Plus hopefully I’ll get a tiny teaching gig too. The point is, it suddenly feels like a lot. But that’s okay. I’ll take it one thing at a time and do my best. I honestly love this doctoral program that I’m in. It’s everything I wanted it to be and more than I ever expected. I feel inspired and motivated and challenged and capable and smart. Oh, and also I’m meeting some really amazing also very smart people. In other news a super tiny micro-fiction 100 word horror story I wrote is getting published in an anthology at the end of this month. I’m really excited about that. It’s going to be in a Real Physical Book that I can hold in my hands. (Also in e-book format, but that’s less exciting to me). I want to do more creative writing too. I want to try more shorts like this and just submit stuff all the time. Like why shouldn’t I? What’s the harm? Some disappointment with every rejection, but … like… whatever. You gotta try. I want to work on some new music stuff too. New songs, new sounds, new ideas. I’m overwhelming myself thinking about all of it, honestly. For now, at this almost 2am moment, I’m going to take one more (obsessive) look at a discussion board to make sure no one is trying to take my topic, and then I’m going to try and sleep. Tomorrow is friday. Peace.